Creative Misanthropy

Creatively hating humans since 1976

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Monday, July 09, 2007

Headline News for July 9, 2007!!!

"Journalists sick of Paris Hilton"
And yet, there it is... another article about Paris Hilton.

"Canadians help find colon cancer gene mutation"
At last! Albino colon cancer!

"Official: Food crisis harms China's Reputation"
Wow, we wouldn't want to hurt their AWESOME reputation.

"Iraqui Minister warns against US Withdrawal"
They are so eager to bomb people that they are in WITHDRAWAL???

"Musharraf will let clerics negotiate at mosque"
But the Rangers, Mages, and Rogues will have to wait outside.

"IAEA approves mission to North Korea"
This is only funny because when I first saw this headline, I thought it said "Ikea approves mission to North Korea."

"U.S. Immigration Laws push jobs to Canada."
Jobs: "You're always pushing me away! I'm leaving! *sob sob*"

This crap spewed forth from Invictus at 7/09/2007 09:37:00 AM


Wednesday, July 04, 2007
More Headline News!

Headline News for July 4, 2007

"Can Live Earth Really Change the World?"
As opposed to dead earth?

"Britain to expand checks on immigrants, doctors"
Damn doctors, coming to our country and saving peoples' lives!

"Global warming blamed for vanishing lake"
I blame David Blayne!

"Paris Hilton tells fans not to drink and drive"
Don't worry Paris, both of your fans are still 15 years old.

" 'Jackass' star Johnny Knoxville files for divorce"
WTF?!?!?!?! What could SHE have done to make YOU want to leave HER?!?!?!?! I mean, really!

"Traumatic military deployments linked to problems"
DUH!

"Pugwash conference relevant, 50 years later"
If I had a pug and it lived 50 years, and I washed it without killing it, I'd call it relevant too.

This crap spewed forth from Invictus at 7/04/2007 07:33:00 AM


Wednesday, June 27, 2007
New Blog Feature!

I figure I owe you, my loyal two or three readers, more than just rants about what a shitbag our Prime Minister is. Obviously, I read the news a lot. I usually use the web (blatant plug!) at ctv.ca. Sometimes though, the headlines ALONE are worth blogging about.

So here's my new feature, aptly called HEADLINE NEWS. In this feature, I will look only at the headlines. I will then say something funny or witty about it. You, the reader, will then laugh hysterically. You will sign my guestbook and tell me what a funny and handsome man I am. You will tell your friends about my blog. YOU WILL!

Anyway, here we go!

Headline News
For June 27, 2007

"Paris Hilton due to break her silence"
Fuck! I was enjoying that!

"Incompetence contributes to prison deaths: report"
Shit, all this time I thought it was criminal masterminds killing each other in prison. Turns out it's incompetant fucks.

"UN Finds progress in tackling bird flu"
Unfortunately bird flu is still within field goal range, and it's only second down.

"Jurors deliberating in Black case"
Shit, we used to give them rooms with chairs for deliberating! Now we lock them in a black case?

"Black press swoops in to snatch Osprey media"
The Nazgul! They are back! Hide Frodo!

"New York City eateries ready for trans fat switch"
Let's hope they leave the switch in the "off" position.

"Happy Birthday, loonie"
Umm... it's not my birthday, and I prefer "Aquarian", thank you very much!

"Canadians will have to wait to use the iPhone"
I'm just picturing a bunch of Canadians standing outside the ONE iPhone in Canada bitching at the person who is on it... "Come on eh! You've been on the iPhone for hours, and I'm freezing my nuts off! I have to call a taxi!"

"Rash of tornados 'unusual' - Environment Canada"
No kidding. I've never personally seen a tornado with a rash either.

This crap spewed forth from Invictus at 6/27/2007 01:34:00 PM


Thursday, June 07, 2007

As an addendum to my post below:

If you need further proof as to how full of shit Harper is about the liberal record on the environment, I strongly encourage you to check out this article from Environment Canada that shows that GHG emissions stabilized and even went DOWN under Paul Martin's government from 2003 to 2005. Quote:

"Between 2003 and 2005, despite increasing electricity demand, greenhouse gas emisions from generation decreased by over 6 Mt. due to a reduction in emissions from coal-fired generation and an increase in nuclear and hydro electricity production."

SIX FREAKIN MEGATONNES, people. Not bad for a government that supposedly "did nothing" about climate change.

Keep lying Harper.... I'm going to keep busting your chops on every single lie.

This crap spewed forth from Invictus at 6/07/2007 07:56:00 AM


How many more lies?

So, the Conservative Regime was caught in YET ANOTHER LIE this week, proving once again that the best way to tell if a Conservative is completely full of shit is when their lips are moving.

Quote from Peter McKay not a month ago:

"'We will not throw a member out of caucus for voting his conscience. There will be no firings on budget votes as we saw with the Liberal government."

Oh REALLY? Tell that to Bill Casey, who just got ejected from the Conservative government this week for voting with his conscience because of the other big Conservative lie, that being, that they promised to uphold the Atlantic Accord.

So, for those of you who still think that Harper is an honest, accountable man, let's take a look at the running tally of lies from him and the rest of his fascists, and this is just off the top of my head - if I go digging through the plethora of news articles I've been saving, I'll bet my left Canadian Maple Nut that I could double this list, but let's just focus on the biggie lies, shall we?

1) Telling Canadians that he had "solved" the softwood lumber dispute, knowing full well that he gave Bush an 11th-hour backout clause which, of COURSE, he exercised, costing the Canadian lumber industry over $4 billion that went straight into Gee Dubyah's coffers.
2) He outright LIED to Nova Scotia and Saskatchewan about protecting oil revenues and discounting them from the equalization plan, costing both provinces a combined total over $3 Billion.
3) He outright LIED about Income Trusts, even before he became PM. When the Liberals were looking into the possibility of taxing income trusts, Harper opposed it. The Liberals eventually said no to taxing income trusts, and when Harper ran his campaign, he swore up and down that he would not tax them. Then all of a sudden he shows his true colors, costing seniors BILLIONS in retirement savings.
4) He has LIED about the Federal Accountability Act, and is lying to Canadians about why the Liberals opposed it. His idea of "accounability" actually imposes limitations on the Freedom of Information Act - making government LESS accountable!
5) He has LIED to the entire Group of Eight nations about the Liberals doing nothing about the environment. WRONG. The Liberals tried everything in their power to take action on Kyoto right after it was ratified, but there was YEARS of research to be done before any real action could be taken. A fact that Harper has conveniently masked as "inaction". When the Liberals did try to take action on the environment, it was HARPER'S CONSERVATIVES that opposed every single action taken.
6) He has LIED to Canadians about cutting emissions. It's not even a secret that his plan will allow emissions to QUADRUPLE in the next 10 years. Setting intensity targets doesn't amount to a hill of shit when you are quadrupling oilsands production, allowing overall emissions to rise. Every single scientist, environmentalist, and human being who does not have their head firmly planted up their ass can see this.
7) He has LIED about who is really stalling Parliament. It was discovered that Harper sent out a 200 page manual literally instructing his caucus on how to aggravate, stall, and cause disarray in Parliament while making the opposition look responsible for it. This is by far the most dirty, underhanded tactic EVER employed by a Canadian politician. I'm sorry, but this bullshit even tops the Sponsorship Scandal for it's absolute disregard for democracy. Disregard for democracy makes you a DICTATOR, Harper. Thank you for once again proving me right about you.

And now, for a bit more of an editorial opinion, his biggest lie is calling Dion a weak leader.

It was Stephane Dion ALONE who assembled 180 nations together to take action on Climate Change. That is real leadership. But no, Harper just wants to piss and moan and lie about how it's the fault of the Liberals that we cannot meet the Kyoto obligations, when it was HE who was opposing Kyoto, and any action therewith, all along.

Let me tell you something Harper... and I hope you are reading this... Real leaders take initiative, they don't sit there blaming others for it. You are weaker than Dion by far. The fact that you treat everyone in Parliament, including your own caucus, like they are your enemy for disagreeing with you proves how weak you are. Your blatant disregard for democracy, your unwillingness to work WITH the system, and your absolute lust for power prove that you have no place in this country. You belong in Gee Dubyah's sock drawer. I know it's where you long to be anyway.

This crap spewed forth from Invictus at 6/07/2007 07:20:00 AM


Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Yay!!!!!!!

Oh, I have been waiting for this day for SO long...

It's not just because my fiancee and I just bought a house. I mean that's great and all, but it's not the cause for my joy right at this particular moment.

No, the cause of today's festivities is because.....

JERRY FALWELL IS DEAD!!!!!!

The father of the Religious Right, the man who influenced American politicians to restrict rights on homosexuals, the man who wanted nothing more than a complete religious theocracy, the man who blamed 9/11 on gays and human rights activists, and most notoriously, the man who publicly said that Tinky-winky of the child molesting, serial-killing pedophiles known as the Teletubbies was gay, is now DEAD. Granted, he may have been onto something with the Teletubby comment......

So here's my fond farewell to Falwell:
Bye bye Jerry. I won't miss you. In fact, tonight I am going to raise a beer and toast your demise. Fuck you, fuck your family, and fuck anyone who even hangs their head in sorrow at hearing of your death. The ONLY thing that would have made me happier is if the manner of your death was you being put in jail for all of your human rights violations and religiously-inspired hate crimes, not to mention your attempt to destroy the freedoms of the American citizens and step on their constitutional rights, and you were raped up the ass by a Satanist wearing a Tinky-winky outfit, and you died from the sheer shame of knowing that the REAL low life here is YOU, not the gays that you have been openly slandering. You are a complete and utter dirtbag, and I'm glad you're dead.

Let the party begin!!!!

This crap spewed forth from Invictus at 5/15/2007 12:38:00 PM


Thursday, May 10, 2007
Accounta-what?

I knew it wouldn't be long before Stephen Harper and his merry little band of fascists screwed up, got involved in their own scandals, threw up a smokescreen in front of all Canadians' eyes, and Canadians fell for it just like they did when they elected the son of a bitch into power to begin with.

Let's see... 2 ministers so far this week who have been hiding travel expenses incurred on OUR dollars, Harper himself refusing to disclose how much of OUR dollars he is paying his personal stylist, in addition to all of the other Conservative scandals, and yet Harper still thinks he has the right to tout "accountability" in government?

Forgive me if I scratch my head and question your IQ if you haven't called his bluff by now.

Maybe I'm the only one who has seen past the smokescreen Harper has put up. After all, so far he has completely screwed Canadians out of billions of dollars, but hey... he's not a Liberal, so he must be ok right? Now don't get me wrong, I can see why Canadians would still be sour about 5 guys who took about $10 for each man, woman and child in this country. Bad boys! But excuse me for not turning a blind eye when Harper made up this sham called "fiscal imbalance" so he could use 2.3 Billion of our federal tax dollars (by the way, that's about $76 for every man, woman and child in this country) to buy out Quebec voters. I cannot turn a blind eye to Harper selling us out to the US on the Softwood lumber "deal", which included an 11th hour backout clause for his bed buddy Gee Debyah, costing Canadians a further 4 billion dollars because OF COURSE the US is now backing out. (By the way, that's another $120 or so for every man, woman and child in this country.) Then let's not forget how he lied to the Provinces about not including energy revenue when calculating transfer payment eligibility, effectively fucking Alberta, Saskatchewan, and all of Atlantic Canada, but who cares right? They're not Quebec. Quebec is the gold mine of votes. Buy Quebec, you buy a majority. Don't have the exact numbers on this, but it's in the billions. Then there is income trusts. Another thing that he CAMPAIGNED on, then reneged on, proving him to be a complete bold faced liar, and yet, people are still sour about sponsorship.

If you elected this liar, read carefully - you need to wake up. $10 out of your pocket is nothing compared to the HUNDREDS of dollars Harper is raping from you and everyone you know. If Harper was the savior he claims to be, he wouldn't need to buy votes. So why does he? Simple - if anyone actually looked through the smokescreen he was putting up about "The Liberals this, the Liberals that", they would realize that Harper's actual campaign - what he is actually trying to accomplish - is so Anti-Canadian that NOBODY, not even Quebec, would vote for him on policy! Hell, more than half the country is mad as hell about our troops being murdered, yet they still think Harper is a good leader! Talk about hypocrites! Harper is an absolute joke. His "clean air act" will actually allow total emissions to RISE. You call that cleaner air? You fucking liar!
But as long as he has the smokescreen of the Liberal sponsorship scandal, he can continue to snow Canadians while hiding behind his absolute lie of "accountability" in Government.

So again... forgive me if I scratch my head and question your IQ if you are one of the 34% of Canadians who has allowed a complete liar to pull the wool over your eyes.

This crap spewed forth from Invictus at 5/10/2007 12:39:00 PM


Monday, April 09, 2007
Our Troops

So once again, we're learning of our limited number of troops becoming even more limited.

"Our Troops died for freedom" states Peter McKay.

McKay, I don't even know how you sleep at night. It's one thing that you and your Nazi leader lie to all of Canada, but I sincerely hope you're not lying to yourselves when you get up there on your soap box and let these lies escape your mouth.

Our beloved troops, who have bravely just followed orders, have been dying en masse so that Stephen Fucking Harper can suck up to George W. Bush. When we were peacekeeping, sure, there were deaths. But active combat? We have no business there. It's not our war. Yet there they are, brave and strong.

To the families of the troops that died (not that you read this, but...), your family members are the reason to be proud to be Canadian. They are all that is true and honorable, following their orders with courage and vigor. My heart goes out to you.

To Stephen Harper and Peter McKay, I hope that when you fuck up bad enough for Canadians to finally clue in to how badly you are fucking our country in the wrong hole, that you are somehow able to lie to your own consciences and continue to believe that you did the right thing by voluntarly pledging our troops to DIE in a war they shouldn't be in in the first place.

And to anyone who voted for this, well... you voted for it. I hope you can live with it too. Once again, wake the fuck up, Canada.

This crap spewed forth from Invictus at 4/09/2007 07:24:00 AM




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